The White Lotus Season 3 Episode 1 Running Diary

Episode name:

Same Spirits, New Forms

Welcome to the White Lotus Running Diary, where I review, recap, cheer, whine and make snarky comments in real time with the episodes.

Let’s get to it!

–I love The White Lotus credits. It looks like this year we have a mural depicting Thailand. Arnold Schwarzenneger’s kid is in this season? I have no idea if he knows how to act. We’ll find out.

–We start the episode in the jungles of Thailand. I’ve always wanted to go to Thailand. It’s on my bucket list. One day…

–It’s going to be hard for season 3 to live up to season 2, but I’m hopeful.

–Five seconds into the episode and this guy Zion and his meditation coach, Amrita, are making googly eyes at each other. They’re definitely having sex at some point in this show.

–”Shall we begin (meditating)?” Amrita asks Zion. “Yeah, let’s do it,” Zion says, most certainly talking about sex.

–Quick sidenote: Did you know that the writer/director of The White Lotus, Mike White, was on a season of Survivor? This was years ago. I’m not sure he was a well known writer at that point. 

–Their meditation time is interrupted by gun fire. Everyone is running. What’s going on?!

–Zion decides that traveling through murky water, certainly filled with giant snakes, is the best way to avoid detection by the shooters. 

–He prays to Jesus at a Buddha statue. That’s funny.

–A dead body floats through the water. We don’t know who it is. Our mystery has begun!

–One week earlier. 

–Is that Belinda from the first season? I think it is.

–The scene switches to a boat. I recognize some of these actors! There’s Walton Goggins and Aimee Lee Wood.  Parker Posey. It’s always a good time when Parker shows up.

–There’s nepo baby, Patrick, Arnold’s son. And Michelle Monaghan from True Detective Season One.

–Time to meet a couple of the locals. 

–The captions don’t tell me the character names, so let me google real quick: Mook is the woman and Gaitok is the guy on the motorcycle. They make a cute couple, if that’s what they are.

–Question: What kind of sharks are off the coast of Thailand? I’m guessing Tigers and Bulls.

–Chelsea (Amee Lee Wood) and Rick (Walton Goggins) are greeted at the entrance of the resort by Mook and a resort employee named Pam. Chelsea tells Mook she thinks she’s very pretty. I agree with that.

–Victoria (Parker Posey) and her family arrive at the resort. Parker has a thick South Carolina accent and I’m already laughing. Posey is good in literally everything she’s ever been in.

–Sritala, one of the owners, greets the next guests, which includes Kate (Leslie Bibb), Laurie (Carrie Coon), and Jaclyn (Michelle Monaghan). They’re childhood best friends. Will they be best friends by the end of the season? 

–I love how rich white people blabber on about their lives on each season of The White Lotus. They never shut up.

–Valentin, one of the  “health mentors” of the resort, enters the scene. He’s muscular, tan, and good looking. All three of the rich white women are ogling him. It’s going to be a party!

–One thing I love about this show is that it’s never afraid to embrace sex.

–Next, we cut to Belinda. Looks like she’s going to be working there? 

–Victoria’s husband, Tim (Jason Isaacs), looks like an asshole. Will my first impression be accurate? We’ll see.

–Ok, Saxon (Patrick Schwarzenneger) is the rich, snobby, young adult for the season. I already like him. I guess I owe Patrick an apology for calling him a nepo baby.

–The other two children of the Ratliff family are Piper (Sarah Catherine Hook) and Lochlan (Sam Nivola). Fantastic rich kid names.

–Saxon picks up poison fruit off the ground. You can already see the wheels turning in his head. Who is he going to poison later on in the show?

–”I’ll sleep like a baby,” Parker Posey, with a heavy southern accent, tells her pompous husband when he asks why she wants a nap. I can’t get enough of her.

–Walton Goggins’ character, Rick, looks like he wants to murder his wife, Chelsea. Don't do it, Rick.

–Looks like Rick might be involved with the owner’s husband somehow. A deal gone bad?

–Rick clearly doesn’t like his wife, Chelsea. I wonder what that’s about. Trophy wife?

–Chelsea tells Rick that he’s got issues. I agree with her.

–And we’re back with the three (blonde) childhood girlfriends. Laurie is giddy over all of the monkeys in the tree right outside their room. I have a feeling those monkeys are going to cause one of these three some major problems.

–Looks like Laurie might be the odd one out of the three. Trouble on the horizon?

–Belinda is grateful to the staff for helping her learn their trade.  She's going to learn all she needs to know and then take that knowledge back to Hawaii. Will she make it back?

–I forget: Did Tanya end up giving Belinda the money she needed to start her own practice (back in season one)? Or did Tanya forget to give it to her? 

–Speaking of Belinda, I’ve been thinking about Tanya’s murder in season 2 since that episode first aired. I’ve been wondering if the show is going to circle back around and have one of the characters solve her murder. Belinda or Tanya’s assistant, Portia, would be the obvious candidates.

–Mook is adorable. Please don’t kill her off.

–Saxon is taking a dip in the pool when he spots Chelsea. He looks at her like she’s prey, while a cover of Black Sabbath’s Iron Man plays over the scene.

–Sarah Cathering Hook was in the show Cruel Intentions. I need to check that out. Her character, Piper, came to Thailand to do research for her degree. Not much info on her yet.

–Why is the Wall Street Journal calling Tim? What does he do for a living again?

–Looks like Lochan and Saxon have discovered the three blonde cougars, who I will now refer to as the LBCs.

–They see right through Saxon’s attempt at flirting with them. They’re too experienced for his nonsense.

–Chelsea isn’t having anything to do with him either. Strike two for Saxon. But I don’t think he cares. Like he says to his brother Lochan, “it’s a numbers game.”

–It’s time for an awkward family dinner with the Ratliffs. As I initially suspected, Tim is a dick to his kids. Saw that one coming!

–”I don’t mean to complain but that’s not very much,” Chelsea says to the waiter as she pours her wine. I love Chelsea.

–”She wants you to taste it,” Rick says with as much disdain for his wife as possible.

–Is Chelsea his wife or girlfriend?

–”I’m going to help you get your joy back, even if it kills me,” Chelsea tells Rick. Uh oh!

–Tim talks to the WSJ reporter on his cell. He’s doing a story on Sho-kel. Tim obviously doesn’t want to talk to a reporter about this. I wonder what that is about?

–Rick, taking a smoke break, asks Tim how his night is going (as he walks back to the restaurant). Tim tells him to fuck off. These two are fighting for Alpha Asshole status.

–Is Victoria on drugs? 50/50 chance she’s on drugs.

–Rick is searching through photos of the White Lotus owner and her husband on his phone. Was Rick planning on swindling the old man? Whatever the issue is between them, it’s not good.

–Chelsea is too sweet to be sitting at a bar by herself. She needs to find true love. It damn sure isn’t with Rick.

–And just like that, a beautiful woman, who states that she’s a model, sits down next to her at the bar. Sparks fly! Platonic or romantic, we’ll have to wait.

–Chelsea just confirmed that Rick is her boyfriend. Thanks for clearing that up for me, Chelsea.

–OMG the model’s boyfriend/husband is Tanya’s sleazeball husband, Greg. I knew they were going to circle back around to him! Now I’m almost positive that Belinda or Portia is going to solve Tanya’s murder. I think we're going to see Portia again, but maybe not this season. Belinda is going to figure out what's going on with Greg, though. I'm now certain of that.

–The model tells us that the locals refer to all of the bald white guys in Thailand as LBHs, which stands for Losers Back Home. Ouch! Thailand: 1  LBH: 0

–The model’s name is Chloe. FYI.

–Belinda is Zion’s mom. I should have known that. It’s obvious now.

–Wait, isn’t Zion at the resort as well? What was that conversation all about? It sounded like Belinda thought he was back in Hawaii.

–Jaclyn is a TV star. I think Laurie might be intimidated by her.

–Laurie and Kate really love to give each other compliments. Laurie seems to hate them.

–Laurie retires to her room and then cries. She’s not happy with something going on in her life.

–Did Saxon just tell his brother Lochlan that their sister Piper is hot? What a creepy weirdo.

–Saxon seems to think that his sister is a loser. What an ass.

–Saxon asks his brother what type of porn he likes and then tells him that he’s going to go masturbate in the bathroom. He gets out of his bed and he’s naked. This is getting super creepy now. 

–Tim tells Victoria that the guy he saw on the boat, Rick, was an asshole to him at the restaurant. Projection!

–Are Tim and Victoria in a sexless marriage?

–And that concludes the episode!  There was a lot going on, which is to be expected with The White Lotus. The first episode sets up the characters and storylines for the season and then it’s off and running.

–This was a solid beginning to season 3. I’m excited for the journey ahead of us!

–Episode Grade:  A+

–See you next week on The White Lotus Season 3 Running Diary!